Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
