I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
