Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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