Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
