They should really pass out barf bags in church
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
