I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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