I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
