glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
