The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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