She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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