I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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