FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
