So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
