TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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