Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
