so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
