i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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