Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
