and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
