can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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