Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
