haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
