i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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