I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
