All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
