is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
