I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if i can run in heels then i can drive
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
