He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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