so explain again why im purple
no
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
