Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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