He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
