Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
