she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
