Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
