I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
