And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
