hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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