once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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