It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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