I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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