I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
