this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
