I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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