I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
