is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
