Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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