By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
