Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
