dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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