remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize