I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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