nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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