I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bring me that man meat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
