Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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