you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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