One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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