Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
