I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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