And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
