Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
