so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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