I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
