Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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