I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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