lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He passed out mid-signature
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
