Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
